The first few times I travelled with a toddler-in-tow, we visited family. On these occasions, I expected to be physically exhausted, but I was surprised by the emotional toll I endured. I am one of the first in my family to have a baby, so my siblings have no idea what is going on, and my parents are decades out of practice. The first few days, I was up early with my son, and by the time everyone else got up and dressed, it was time for his nap. I felt like my family and I were never on the same page, and I was frustrated! We had different wake times, different eating schedules, and different ideas of what we wanted to do. I felt like I was always pushing everyone to get on my schedule, and annoyed when they moved too slowly getting ready in the morning, deciding what to order, and too loud when my son was sleeping. We had planned the trip so we could all be together, but I was in a bad mood because no one knew what I needed.

Then it dawned on me - they don’t know that I am frustrated or how to help me because I haven’t communicated with them!

Once I learned to share our routine and priorities, we were better able to plan what we would do together, and what we would do separately. Now, I make it a point to have the following conversations either before we arrive or early in our trip, when everyone is together. I have found it saves a lot of frustration on both sides.

After a long day of traveling, managing toddler emotions (and your own), and carting around heavy luggage - it can be easy to forget why you are traveling in the first place. Make a point to share that you are excited to be together, and to make lasting memories! Try saying something along these lines:

“We are so excited to see you, and to check out this town! We look forward to catching up, taking in the views, and watching our child get to know you better!“

Make a point to connect.

Describe your daily routine.

In sharing your routine, you are providing a framework for what your days might look like and your boundaries as a parent. Do not skip this step, and expect your travel partners to catch on as the trip goes on. It is best to tell lay it all out at the get-go to avoid fumbling through awkward situations later. The following is an example you can modify for your uses:

“Just so you are aware, [child’s name] usually naps from Xam-Xpm, and sleeps from Xpm-Xam. During our travels, this can vary a little bit. We are/are not willing to do naps on-the-go (such as in a car seat). However, we want to be home to start our nighttime routine by Xpm at the latest. We apologize in advance for any crying you might hear - he is still practicing sleeping through the night, and new environments and jet lag can mess with that a little bit. When he cries in the middle of the night, we usually [how you handle this]. You do not need to get up!

“When he wakes up in the morning, we will feed him [breakfast]. You are welcome to join us! We can usually be ready to leave the house at Xam, which allows us a few hours before we need to be back for nap time at Xam/pm. Otherwise, we are free after his nap until bedtime! 

“In general, we limit screen time to 30 minutes per day, and avoid food with added sugar as much as possible. We are more flexible on vacation, but try to keep an eye on these things. Our son loves peekaboo, singing “The Itsy Bitsy Spider” and is learning the “ABCs”. He is currently obsessed with soccer balls and trains! He gets really scared when people toss him up in the air. We have been teaching him that it is okay to say ‘no’ if he doesn’t want to give a hug, and we want him to respect others’ boundaries by accepting when they say ‘no’. Please don’t take offense if he rejects a well-meaning hug! Let us know if you have any questions!”

The cardinal rule of being a parent is to accept help when it is offered! Maybe it is the mom-brain, but I am always caught off guard when asked, and can’t even think of what someone might help me with (ok - maybe pride gets in the way too! I should take my own advice)! Here are some ideas you can share:

“That is so kind of you to ask! You know, it would be a huge help if you would wipe down the table (and floor!) after his meals, and play with him while I shower and when I am cooking. Also, it would be a great help if you could help me carry things to the car when we head out!”

Tell them how they can help!

Discuss health & safety.

If your little one has any allergies, conditions or medications, explain the severity and what to expect.

“[Child’s name] has an allergy to [allergens]. I have brought [special food or medication] for [child’s name] and put it on top of the refrigerator.” [Then share it’s importance/how to administer it if needed].

Take a close look around your accommodations and identify areas that are not quite toddler-proofed. Take it from me, you will have a more relaxing time if you take some preventative measures when you arrive! Below is an example of some important items to discuss:

“I noticed this house does not have a gate on the stairs, or locks on the cupboards (for example). Could we find a solution so [child’s name] doesn’t endanger themself? Are there other things I should keep an eye out for [valuables in reach, medication, unfriendly pets, pet food, pet feces, firearms, fireplaces, easy to open doors, etc.]?”

When discussing plans, share your highest priority items, and try to get them roughly scheduled into your itinerary. Allow others in your group the freedom to head out without you. Make arrangements to meet up with them later.

As the planner in my family, I am usually the one to suggest an itinerary. For those who do not live by an itinerary (especially while on vacation) I have found it useful to either make a shared note (viewed on mobile devices) or write it out on paper and put it in a common space. This is especially helpful to get everyone organized and on time for those excursions with a specific start time and for meal reservations.

Get to planning.

Set realistic expections.

Even with strong communication, preventative measures, and the best laid plans, something will go awry. A cousin may share a cupcake, your child may circumnavigate a make-shift baby gate, naps may be missed, and illness/weather/car troubles/you-name-it could ruin your perfectly calculated plans. Try to have a good sense of humor about it, and chalk it up to a learning experience - for all parties involved! When you are feeling calm, talk about how to avoid that situation arising again. Life happens and how you handle it will make or break your trip, and could affect how you feel about future travel.